Regret

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See is a historical novel set in twentieth-century China about women and their relationships.  See’s words are beautifully written and evoke myriad possibilities that may apply in today’s world.

Lily, Snow Flower’s ‘same old’ — laetong — narrates the story. They met when they were seven years old. They were born on the same day, in the same year, and their feet were bound at the same time, fulfilling three of eight categories required to meet the criteria to be laetongs.

Snow Flower came from an educated family. Lily’s family did not meet the mark, but the girls loved each other from the beginning. Lily’s 7cm exquisite lotus blossom feet were slightly smaller and more perfectly shaped than Snow Flower’s, thus commanding better marriage prospects. Although mingling among the classes was not accepted, they maintained their love for each other.

After Lily’s husband died when she was 57, she began the Sitting Quietly —  also called ‘the one who has not died yet’ — phase of her life. When Snow Flower died, Lily felt as though she had been widowed twice. By eighty years of age, she had had plenty of time to think.

While she was always grateful for her circumstances and had the good fortune of producing healthy sons, Lily realized she had spent her entire life trying not to see or hear what was happening outside the world of the women of her family. Although Lily could never accept the injustices that befell Snow Flower, she rationalized she could not have done more because her husband, children, family, and community needed her. She, however, needs Snow Flower’s children. Sitting quietly, she vows to make amends.

“It’s hard to be truly generous and behave in a forthright manner, when you don’t know how.”